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Private Eye/Cyclops 435 – Telltale Claptrap

Posted by beermagnet on January 31st, 2011

First Eye blog of the new year for me.  Thanks to jetdoc who is alternating the task from now on and who produced an admirable effort last time.  She has certainly laid down the gauntlet with a startlingly good blog – how can I respond – by doing exactly what I always do – have great fun doing the crossy and the heart of the blog, i.e. individual clue wordplay, and researching the final “joke” – then spend far too long failing to come up with anything worthwhile to say in this intro guff.

Reading back over some old Eye blogs I was surprised to find I gave the impression that I hadn’t really enjoyed the crossword.  I suspect that’s a feature of the nitpicking nature of clue by clue blogs.  So this time let me make it quite clear.  I love the crosswords Cyclops produces for the Eye.  It’s strange that there seems to be fewer and fewer outlets for downright rude jocularity in this day and age.  So let’s hear it for Cyclops and say “trebles all round!”.  Cheers!
Late addition:
I was intrigued to see what PeeDee had done on the recent Guardian Prize blog by putting in the clue so that it appears when placing the mouse near the clue number. This seems a brilliant addition to blogs where the crossword is probably long forgotten, so I have tried it out here too.
1 BARSAC (BRA)* AInd: Adapted SAC (bag)
5/3 ONE NIGHT STAND ONE (you) NIGHTSTAND (bedside table, the old fashioned way) Def: Casual shag
9 ISTANBUL IS (lives) TAN (Brown) BUL[l] (rubbish (unfinished))
10 HUSSAR US (America) inside RASH< (foolhardy, rejected)
11 MEDICINE BALLS MEDICINE (Dose) BALLS (Coarse testicles) MB is the regular column written by “M.D.” who makes no great pretence of hiding that he is actually Dr Phil Hammond. One of the more enlightening columns in the rag.
12/20 CLAPTRAP CLAP (VD) TRAP (hazard)
14 ENTITLED EN (measure) TIT (breast) LED (escorted)
17 OKLAHOMA OK (agree) LA (foreign article) HO (house) M[embers] A[wful]
22 WINDSOR CASTLE WINDSOR (Barbara ) Castle (Barbara ) Def: Brenda’s place (where Brenda is TQ) The largest inhabited castle in the world
25 STIFFY ST (Way – street) IFFY (dodgy)
26 TELLTALE T[ime], (ALL ETHEL – H)* AInd: Sadly
27 THE NORTH Hidden in CarmarTHEN OR THirsk Def: One side of Watford
2 ASSEMBLY DD: An ‘erection’ – in the IKEA sense ; gathered politicians
4 CUBICLE (CLUE CBI)* AInd: involved with
5 ORLON OR (alternative) L[abour] ON[e] Def: Fibre
6 EXHIBIT [s]EX (topless shagging) HI (Hello) BIT (piece)
7 INSOLVENT IN (Elected) SOLVE (to do a crossword) [a]NT (Dec’s mate) Def: Strapped, as in strapped for cash
8 HEARSE EH< (What’s that you said) ARSE (bum) (Cryptic?) Def: ultimate ride?
13 POKING FUN POKING (screwing) FUN (joy) Favourite clue (best laugh of the puzzle):
Laughing at your prowess, maybe, Joy after screwing? (6,3)
15/28 TWO-TIMING Double-defs: Like the adulterous David Mellor Antonia de Sancha / toe sucking / Chelsea FC strip etc. etc.
Doing a double-whammy … Does that work as a def?
16 MAGELLAN MAG[gie] (Mrs Thatcher’s upper half), L[ength] inside ELAN (vigour) Last in but best PDM of the puzzle
18 ASSAYER (ARSE SAY)* AInd: comes from. Def: One who could prove gold
19 A BAD LOT A (article) (TABLOID – I (Cyclops))* AInd: pisspoor
21 SWITCH S[peaker] WITCH (Sibyl) Def: Whip – Is this def OK? A switch is a flexible wooden rod – certainly it’s “whippy” and you could whip something with it, but does it actually fall into the category of objects that are Whips. The same could be said of a belt but I wouldn’t call that a whip.
23 RETCH (CHAR T[imberlake])* AInd: arrangement
24 TOTEM TOT (drink) ‘EM (those people vulgarly) Def: It’s symbolic

Here’s a fine reminiscence from Gough Whitlam:
‘When Sir Winton Turnbull, a member of the cavalleria rusticana, was raving and ranting on the adjournment and shouted: “I am a Country member”. I interjected “I remember”. He could not understand why, for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the House, there was instant and loud applause from both sides.’

5 Responses to “Private Eye/Cyclops 435 – Telltale Claptrap”

  1. matt says:


  2. pajodr says:

    Got 9 across quite easily even though the definition was ‘capital’ and Istanbul is not a capital city. I expect there’ll be a letter to this effect in the next issue’s ‘Pedantry Corner’.

  3. nairb says:

    For 16a I believe you meant magellAn.

  4. beermagnet says:

    Finally got round to correcting Magellan. It was 16D.

  5. nairb says:

    That makes both of us making typos – LOL

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