Enigmatic Variations No.944 – Standard by Samuel

A tricky one this week, or could it just be that I’m out of practice?

(You should take this with a grain of salt. You might find it cheesy. But then again, you might get a taste for it.)

Hungry for puzzles, I bought the Telegraph and, full of beans, I located the ‘Life’ section. Cool as a cucumber, I turned to the EV. Crosswords are my bread and butter, I thought. They’re just my cup of tea. It’ll be a piece of cake.

But scanning (scranning?) the clues, I was left with a hollow feeling in my stomach. I felt that this one was likely to cause me some pain (le mot juste). Had I bitten off more than I could chew? I was in a pickle. If I can’t do it, I pondered, I’ll be in the soup. That’d be a fine kettle of fish.

I sat stewing for a while, but then reflected that perhaps such is the EV’s raisin d’être. After chewing this over, I was sure I could bring home the bacon. If not, I’ll have egg on my face, I thought. Maybe I’m not the cream of the crop, but I’m worth my salt. Otherwise, I’ll have to eat humble pie. It may be a hard nut to crack, but I’m one smark cookie. Not the big cheese, but I can use my noodle. I’m not the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I can cut the mustard.

So with this carrot and stick approach, I egged myself on…

After some time I uncovered (I forget in what order) enough of the unclued lights to suggest that three of the answers might be KOFFMAN, RHODES and RAMSAY. Gary and Gordon I was familiar with and, a little Googling later, I came to know Pierre.

Now, there’s really only one ‘standard’ that I’m aware of in cheffery – the Michelin star. Helpfully, Samuel had lighted on this very thing. We’re like two peas in a pod, you see. So the gravy train was in motion and had borne fruit (sorry – I’m as nutty as a fruitcake). I should have known that the problem didn’t amount to a hill of beans.

In a nutshell, the revealed chefs were:

GORDON RAMSAY
GARY RHODES
ALBERT ROUX
RAYMOND BLANC
MARCO-PIERRE WHITE
HESTON BLUMENTHAL
PIERRE KOFFMAN

The missing letters, once connected with four lines, formed a star. The cherry on the top was that, reading clockwise, they spelled out M-I-C-H-E-L-I-N. The final unclued light in the bottom right was, therefore, GUIDE, giving…

MICHELIN GUIDE

…also known as the Michelin Red Guide (thanks to Tony for pointing out that omission), where all these chaps and their overpriced (if very tasty) treats may be found. Strictly, I think it’s correct to say that the chefs’ establishments have the stars, rather than the chefs, but this may be wrong.

The moral of the story? Couch potatoes shouldn’t upset the apple cart. There’s food for thought.

Now for the leftovers.

I don’t want to bite the hand that feeds me (and this may be a case of sour grapes), but it seemed to me that there were a few bad apples.

(a) In 30ac, the extra letter is an H, but it’s the wrong H (cHarkha, rather than charkHa).

(b) 2dn In Chambers, ‘noon’ is defined as “the ninth hour of the day in Roman and eccelesiastical reckoning, three o’clock p.m.: afterwards (when the church service called Nones was shifted to midday) midday…”
I think that ‘afterwards’ (which comes at the end of a line in Chambers) may have been taken as a definition. I don’t have a huge amout of sympathy if that is the case, as it strikes me as an unnecessarily difficult way of cluing ‘noon’.

(c) 6dn If I’ve parsed this correctly, I object to ‘up’ as an anagram indicator.

Finally, I’m a bit cheesed off, but there are a few clues that have got the better of me. Still, half a loaf is better than none. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. I had a lot on my plate/bigger fish to fry/etc.

In 35ac, I’ve guessed that V=’see’ but, if so, I don’t know why.
8dn I’m afraid I haven’t the faintest about this one.
27dn I can’t find the link between ‘catty’ and WK.

Thanks to kenmac and Gaufrid.

{xxx} = (anagram/homophone/container/etc.) indicator
< = reversal
xxx = unused letter(s)
Go = removed letters
MELLOWS = letters missing from subsidiary indication

Across
GO	10	LAHORE	Go teaching once around a hot city (6)	city: ins. {around} of A H (hot) in LORE (teaching once)
RD	11	UTS	Introduction of drum tops hollow notes (3)	notes: Um Tops {introduction} + NoteS {hollow}
	13	MELLOWS	Matures snake won for prince (7)	matures: replacement of P (prince) for W (won) in ELLOPS (snake)
	14	EN MASSE	All together unchanged over empty site (7, 2 words)	all together: <SAME (unchanged) {over} + SitE {empty}
	15	IRID	Remove plant (4)	plant: remove
ON	17	EERIE	Weirdo, nearly English, annoys endlessly (5)	weird: E (early) + E (English) + tRIEs (annoys) {endlessly}
GA	18	SUCKENER	Draw Inga to admit heartless Scottish tenant (8)	Scottish tenant: SUCK (draw in) + ENtER (to admit) {heartless}
	21	TEIAN	Upset neat ancient Greek (5)	Greek: NEAT* {upset}
	23	RECAP	Go over again to cut down (5)	go over again: to cut down
RY	26	SKREEN	Partition empty shack a yard with last of masonry (6)	partition: ShacK (shack) {empty} + REE (yard) + masoN {last of}
AL	28	ACHINESS	A lace rim ultimately causes us pain (8)	pain: A (ace) + CHINE (rim) + causeS uS {ultimately}
	29	LEAL	The French advance old faithful (4)	old faithful: LE (the French) + A (advance)
	30	CHARKHA	Australian break down chap stripped spinning wheel (7)	spinning wheel: CARK (Australian ‘break down’) + cHAp
	33	HARD ROE	Harass mostly about dead mass of eggs (7, 2 words)	mass of eggs: ins. {about} of D (dead) in HARROw (harass) {mostly}
BE	34	NAE	Faculty president backs missing debate for Scottish denial (3)	Scottish denial: <DEAn (faculty president) {backs, missing date}
RT	35	OCTAVO	Officer in Charge volunteers seer to book (6)	book: OC (officer in charge) + TA (volunteers) + V (see) + O
RA	36	UNTURN	Local one to run off sprain backwards (6)	spin backwards: UNT (local ‘one’) + T (to) + RUN* {off}
YM	37	PARADOX	Talk around my trouble with unknown contradiction (7)	contradiction: <RAP (talk) {around} + ADO (trouble) + X (unknown)
Down
ON	1	LATHERED	Thrashed part of Kenton once embarrassed? (8)	thrashed: LATHE (part of Kent) + RED (embarrassed)
	2	NOON	Cut tip for Walter afterwards (4)	afterwards (!): NOOp (tip) {cut, for Walter = Scots}
DM	3	CRIMEA	Caped mice start to attack peninsula! (6)	peninsula: C (cape) + RIME (ice) + Attack {start}
AR	4	KETA	Retreating, some ate Arkansas salmon (4)	salmon: <ATEKansas {retreating, some}
	5	OHMS	Resistance units turned over store, nearly (4)	resistance units: <SHOp {turned over, nearly}
CO	6	FRESCADES	SAS freed leader of Chilean coup for walks (9)	walks: [SAS FREED + Chilean {leader}]* {up}
	7	MOLIÈRE	French playwright’s spot on (7)	French playwright: MOLE (spot) + RE (on)
PI	8	ADORNS	Sets I pout about take in antipodean experts (6)	sets out: A (about) + ins. of R (take) in DONS (antipodean experts) (Thanks, Gaufrid.)
ER	9	ASS	God primarily saves duller person (3)	dull person: AS (god) + Saves {primarily}
	12	SERAI	Khan has an important date (5)	khan: S (has) + ERA (important date)
RE	16	DROP SERENE	Endorse peer treated with recipe for John’s blindness (10, 2 words)	John’s blindness: [ENDORSEPE + R (recipe)]* {treated}
HE	18	SMOKEHOOD	Raised hems on changing hooked protective clothing (9)	protective clothing: <MS {raised} + HOOKED* {changing}
ST	19	USERS	Stone love-god evicting ordinary addicts (5)	addicts: US (one) + ERoS (love-god) {evicting O (ordinary)}
ON	20	EASTWARD	Noah’s top steward moved towards the rising sun (8)	towards the rising sun: [Ah {top} STEWARD]* {moved}
	22	AMILDAR	Manager in the middle of Arabia… (7)	manager: AMID (in the middle of) + AR (Arabia)
	24	CHIAN	…cut off gaping Greek island-dweller (5)	Greek island-dweller: HIANt (gaping) {cut off}
PI	25	CHARTA	Champion trick: I pare grant (6)	grant: CH (champion) + ART (trick) + A (are)
ER	27	EWKING	Localised itching’s beginning to endanger cattery in Grenada (6)	localised itching: Endanger {beginning} + ins. of KIN (catty) in WG (Grenada) (Thanks again, Gaufrid.)
	31	AERO	Uncovered song about planes (4)	about planes: cAROl (song) {uncovered}
	32	HUTU	African settlement for Maoris (4)	African: UTU (Maori ‘settlement’)
RE	33	HOW	Scots haunt fellow leaving lower hill locally (3)	low hill locally: HOWf (Scots ‘haunt’)