Independent 8310/Morph

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I really enjoyed this Morph puzzle.  We keep bumping into one another on a Monday, but when a crossword is this good, I don’t mind in the least.  Plenty of  excellent surfaces, some clever devices, and most importantly, some smiles when the penny dropped.  And this being the Indy, some football …  There were some tricky ones to parse, but I think I’ve got them all except one, where I do need some help, please.

Abbreviations
cd  cryptic definition
dd  double definition
(xxxx)*  anagram
anagrind = anagram indicator
[x]  letter(s) removed

definitions are underlined

Across

1  Object to joke about inhabitants of funny farm?
LAUGHING STOCK
A dd cum cd: if you are the object of a joke, then you’re a LAUGHING STOCK; and if cows were funny, they’d be LAUGHING STOCK too.  There is of course the French cheese, La Vache qui Rit, which in English is branded as The Laughing Cow.

9  Old Labour PM dropping ecstasy in posh car – I’m shaken!
RATTLER
The posh car is, as always, RR for Rolls Royce; inserting ATTLE[E] into the two Rs gives you your answer.  Lovely story-telling surface.

10  Altogether enthusiastic about story with no ending
IN TOTAL
A charade of INTO and TAL[E].  ‘He’s really enthusiastic about/into football.’

11  Really big night – heart rate’s racing
EARTHSHATTERING
(NIGHT HEART RATE’S)* with ‘racing’ as the anagrind.  I would always write this with a hyphen, but dictionaries will no doubt say otherwise.

12  Catch with line at sea, as per strict rules
TECHNICAL
Bit of a strange definition for TECHNICAL, but it’s (CATCH LINE)* with ‘at sea’ as the anagrind.

15  Cat perhaps catching small crow
BOAST
Another really clever, but misleading, surface.  The ‘cat’ is a catamaran, or BOAT; stick S for small in that and you’ve got a verb meaning ‘to crow’.

16  Gather tea while cycling
AMASS
ASSAM is the tea; you need to ‘cycle’ the last two letters to the front.  Some folk don’t like this device, but I think it’s fine.

17  It’s traditional to tear a strip off bully
ROAST BEEF
A charade of ROAST for ‘tear a strip off’ and BEEF for BULLY BEEF, a staple of army food for many years – just CORNED BEEF.  The BULLY apparently came from the French bouilli, meaning ‘boiled’.

18  Finally, encouragingly, late on in crisis recession essentially bottoms out
LAST BUT NOT LEAST
I have stared at this long enough.  I have absolutely no idea how this works, so will throw this one open to the audience.  I thank you in advance.

22  Source of one blow after another for followers
FAN CLUB
Morph has written some cracking surfaces in this crossword.  The two sources of ‘blows’ are a FAN and a CLUB.

23  Cricketer finally dismissed, third to last, one that’s an important part of Indian order
BASMATI
What was I just saying?  A bit trickier to parse: it’s BATSMA[N], with the third letter T moved to last, plus I.

24  Spy under pressure returned pieces of silver
DESSERTSPOONS
A reversal of SNOOP and STRESSED.  I was going to say this was a brilliant clue as well, but I don’t want the setter getting ideas above his station as a harmless drudge.  Actually, it was very cleverly constructed – bravo.

Down

1  Exaggerated fear confused with real thing by left
LARGER THAN LIFE
A charade of L for ‘left’ and (FEAR REAL THING)*

2  Total state
UTTER
A slightly worn at the edges dd.

3  What two partners do in bridge with two hearts in play?
HOLD HANDS
A much better dd.

4  A quarter of eleven or thirteen
NORTH
Cleverly hidden in eleveN OR THirteen.

5  Trace where takings are put – in special account
SCINTILLA
An insertion of IN TILL in S for ‘special’ and CA for ‘current account’.  We had this discussion a while ago – it might even have been a Morph puzzle – where CA for ‘account’ was questioned, but it is in dictionaries.  AC is more common, though.

6  Unreserved about being flamboyant
OUTRÉ
A charade of OUT and RE.

7  What’ll get footballer covered?  “Note what’s behind trawler – seagull“
KITTIWAKE
Oooh, a bird and a chance for the obligatory Pierre bird link.  Its numbers are falling, but it’s a regular spring and summer coastal visitor and the name derives from its shrill call, that sounds like kitteee – waaake, kitteee – waaake.  And it’s one of my favourite gulls, since unlike its bigger cousins, it’s entirely coastal in its range and therefore doesn’t come inland and shit everywhere.

The clue made me smile, but you have to know the context.  It’s footie, natch.  Eric Cantona, when he played for Man Utd, was banned for I can’t remember how long when, having been sent off, he launched a kung-fu kick at a Crystal Palace supporter who was giving him some verbal.  At one of the subsequent press conferences, he came out with:

‘When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.’

Which is a bit impenetrable, although interpretations have been posited.

Oh, and I nearly forgot: it’s a charade of KIT, TI and WAKE.

8  Celebrities getting out?  One joining in for possible means of going to ground
FLIGHT OF STAIRS
An insertion of I for ‘one’ in FLIGHT OF STARS, which is what slebs would do if they wanted to avoid publicity.  As if.

13  Made rude joke about Wenger
COARSENED
Those that didn’t like 7dn will like this even less, since while no football knowledge was required in that clue, here you have to know that Arsène Wenger is Arsenal’s manager.  For the minute, at least.  So it’s an insertion of ARSENE in COD.  To begin with, as Arsène is wont to say, ‘I deedn’t see eet’.

14  Diamonds that can be transported outside – you’ll find some on this
CARD TABLE
Another insertion: of D for ‘diamonds’ in CARTABLE for an unlikely but real word for ‘can be transported’.  Card Games 2-2 Footie.  An honourable draw.

15  Replaces contents of bar – Courage Best?
BOTTLES UP
Well, my best stab at this is that it’s BOTTLE’S UP.  BOTTLE is a slang word for courage, and if ‘courage is best’ then ‘courage is up’.  But someone may have a better idea.

19  Fat controllers perhaps putting energy into sandwiches
BELTS
Another smile.  An insertion of E into BLTS for Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwiches.  Sir Topham Hatt, the Fat Controller in Thomas the Tank Engine, was allegedly in charge of the railway, except those engines just kept being soooo naughty.

20  Sun’s circulation perhaps inflated – cut margins by 50%
ORBIT
With a little help from a friend, I can tell you that this is [EX]ORBIT[ANT].  I’m not saying this clue is unfair: once you’ve got the crossing letters it’s pretty obvious; but the construction is a bit left-field.

21  All the rage of French retreat in battle
ALAMO
A LA MO[DE].  DE is one of the French words for ‘of’ and Morph is asking you to remove that to end up with the famous American battle.  ‘Retreat’ as a removal indicator might raise eyebrows, but since this was a delightful crossword, I for one am prepared to be indulgent.

Excellent puzzle – one of Morph’s best, I think.